


Stepping Stones

by TheWildFool



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bigotry & Prejudice, Cassandra Reads The Dirty, CassyxBooks, Cole Learns, Cole helps Inquizzy, Companionship, Difficult Path, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Fear, Friendship/Love, Human Cole, Hurt/Comfort, Inquizzy helps Cole, Long Road, M/M, Minor Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, Past Child Abuse, Sera/Cookies, Spoilers, That One Bald Bastard (loveable), Varric Teaches, Zev teaches Cully to lavish and ravish, changes, haunted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-15 23:34:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3466121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWildFool/pseuds/TheWildFool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the encounter with a former Templar of the White Spire, he has yet to understand the consequences of his decision that faithful day. To help him better understand his changes – the Inquisitor decides to walk a difficult path as a guidance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Becoming Human

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimers!Cuz we all love those.... I do not own Dragon Age series nor its characters...well can I say I owned my custom Dalish Inquisitor? Ah, never mind. Let the after story begin!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, wait. 
> 
> No, don't begin the story just yet! 
> 
> Take your hand off the mouse (stop touching that touchscreen) ....Attention? Ah, yes, thank you for your undivided attention! Heads up, I revamped this whole story. There is more written here than FF.
> 
> Now, for the true news, I actually just found out about this site and contemplated if I should join or not...so I joined. I hail from FanFiction.Net (a popular site for creative writers and unsatisfied fans) my username here is the same as FanFic. I have a very bad habit of leaving my works unfinished. Sometimes it is due to writers block, or I'm not in the mood (I hate WB!) And I must say I do the same with my draws too, ugh I frustrate myself.

_"... **I'm not me anymore. Walls around what I want, blocking, bleeding, making me a monster**..."_

Those are the words I said. The feelings I felt. Binding...Rivaini amulet. All changed because, of Adamant. This panic and distress, I couldn't take it, I begged for Solas's help – for the Inquisitors. I got what I wanted...nothing end right.

.... _What is a right ending_ **?**

Varric...yes, he came. He heard me cry out, demanded to know what was going on. The amulet, binding – I explained. It wasn't working, Solas pointed out.

''Something is interfering with the enchantment.''

 _Yes, that's it. It must be_.

"Something like Cole not being a demon?"

_What did he mean? I'm not real...? No, no. Solas and the others believe me to be a spirit, a demon. Something that can and cannot be real? I am real. I am me. It didn't work. The amulet...something was blocking it, blocking me. Varric's words raced in circles, I couldn't help but think, was I wrong about what I was? What I am? Did I ever know?_

The Inquisitor began to question as well. Doubtful, confused, curious. She was at a loss. Questioning Solas, a formal challenge.

"Solas, is it possible that the amulet doesn't work on Cole because, he's too... **human**?"

_YES! It must be it. She believes, he is human. Was always human. Never a spirit or a demon, when he first arrive. Confusion settles. It says, fresh in her mind. A song of beliefs and hope, strong and loud; bright – it was perfect._

_She believes I'm... **human**?_

"Regardless of Cole's special circumstances...he remains a **spirit**."

_Stubborn as always, never willing to be bested or to be proven wrong. Solas stood his ground, he continues to believe me a **spirit** – never a **human**._

_Varric wants to convince him, I see it in his eyes. His minds screams the strong songs. He believes me to be **human** , wants me to be real – not a **spirit**._

"Yes, a spirit who is strangely like a person."

_Frustration builds up – I felt it. I didn't like it. Didn't like this. Everything wrong._

''I don't matter. Just lock away the parts of me that someone else could knot together to make me follow.''

_I want to remain. To stay and not be influenced, to be turned into a **demon** – like Solas's friend. He was really sad. That was scary. I don't want that to happen._

_Solas believed I wasn't focusing. Asked me what I felt._

_Sorting through my thoughts, finding this wrong 'thing' ah...there._

''Warm, soft blanket covering, but it catches, tears, I'm the wrong shape. There's something...'' I had turned around, arm lifted and finger pointed, ''There. That way.''

_He was right and wrong at the same time. And with those words, MY words. They came with me, just as I asked, to help me with this blocking barricade._

_I am forever changed...._

_I lead them to the Hinterlands, to Redcliffe. Positive, it is here. I must stop it, whatever it maybe._

_A man, brown mustache scruffy. Tall but no where near my stature, he is familiar. A song...he walks towards us friendly. No, wrong shape. He is wrong._

"Greetings. Can I help you?"

Under my breath; in surprise and hatred, I muttered, "You"

I snap, anger and rage, boiling and bubbling to the surface. Something tells me he is bad, and I believe that something. His widen with fear. Yes, he should fear me. I walk from the cloud of dark smoke, fist gripped, shaking as I gritted my teeth. I gave him not reaction time and forcefully pushed him to his knees with a tight grip on his fur helmet. His breath hitched, the thoughts raced from his mind to my own, I raised my fist.

"You killed me!"

The fear his eyes, shaky voice; fuels my rage. He raises his hands up to cover his, "What, I don't..." Confused, no he will learn fear and pain, "I don't even know you!"

_He believes misplaced humor will cause a change? No, he will fear. His song is tainted, creeky, painfully loud. Drowning in his guilt, but of what? He questions himself. I will deliver him an answer, one he will not forget – ever._

"You forgot. You locked me in the dungeon in the Spire, and you forgot, and I died in the dark!" He flinches at my raised voice. Yes, flinching is good. I will teach you what pain is. I tightened my grip around the front of his helmet, pushing him down further.

"The Spire?"

"Cole, stop!"

_No, I don't want to. Why are telling me to stop Solas, why?_

My hands shook, grip loosened; he escaped. I won't allow him the chance of escaping. I gritted my teeth, pale eyes followed the figure closely. I shook my head, stalking after him.

"Just take it easy kid." Varric stopped me from progressing. My mind protested, I wanted to push pass my friend; he can't escape.

Heat rushed to my face, I could feel my body temperature rise. I shook in anger. Our eyes met, I pointed an accusing finger, "He killed me! He killed me. That's why it doesn't work. He killed me, and I have to kill him back!"

"Before anyone gets killed. I need to know what's going on." The Inquisitor, yes, I had forgotten all about her presence just as I with Solas and Varric.

"Cole this man cannot have killed you. You are a spirit, you've not even possessed a body."

"A broken body, bloody banged on the stone cell, guts gripping in the dark dank. A captured apostate."

_Yes, that's what it was, what happened. How I became something._

"They threw him into the dungeon in the Spire at Val Royeaux. They forgot about him, he starved to death. I came through to help, and I...I couldn't so I became him. Cole."

_My strong need for helping, it was him...Cole._

"If Cole was an apostate that would make the guy we just saw a templar. Must've been buying lyrium."

Wave of guilt washes over my very being. I had to make this right, for him, for me. A new founded determination, right. It was in place, I was in place. "Let me kill him, I need to. I need to." I stormed off, the thoughts of fear, confusion, disappointment and acceptance ran from them to me. I have to block them out, I am resolved.

 "Alright, kid you want revenge? Follow me..." Varric walked pass me, to the direction the former Templar ran.

_Finally. I can finally have my revenge. His revenge..._

The former Templar came to a dead end, staring over the edge of a cliff. Unknowing to him, Varric and I, were on his heels. He backed away from the edge and turned to run; I blocked his only exit with the help of Varric.

Crossbow aimed, finger secure over trigger – knuckles white from a tight deathly grip. There in Redcliffe, I stood, threateningly and dominantly – ready to exact my revenge. I gritted my teeth, breathing heavily. All I saw was red. Even as he begged me not to shoot him, I cool tossed aside these front. None were real, but this is. I am real. This crossbow, the ground and his impending doom was all so very real.

 

"Do you feel better?" Varric asked as I handed Bianca back to him.

My fist shook in rage. An emotion that was foreign. I glared murderously at former Templar. The man who killed the real Cole, who locked him away and forgot. Those painful last few hours...I stayed. Holding his hand until the pain ceased. "No." I exclaimed through clenched teeth. The memories of the forgotten boy flooding all at once.

"Good, that's what being human is all about," Varric responded as he disarmed the crossbow. I felt his heavy hand on my back, as we turned hill.

I wanted to make the man forget, but Varric said it would be best if he remembered. I was to angry to ask why, and with that – a chapter closed. The very last of the real Cole all laid to rest.

_Peaceful yet the war raged on._

_Suffocating, dark, coldness – this anger drenched me. It changed, I changed. People could see, its scary. But, Varric promised me it would easier. He said I'd learn to love, laugh, cry and...be **human**._

_What does it mean to be **human**?_

_Why do I feel all this hurt?_

_Will it go away?_

_I...I'm not sure I'll like being **human**._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You forgot. You locked me in the dungeon in the Spire, and you forgot, and I died in the dark!" ~ Cole
> 
> Okay, so I was doing some thinking....and I believe the spirit of the real Cole said that. I don't think it was Compassion who said that quote, it was definitely the REAL Cole. Take a gander at this quote....and give it some thought.
> 
> "He killed me! He killed me. That's why it doesn't work. He killed me, and I have to kill him back!" ~ Cole
> 
> It's only when....  
> "A broken body, bloody banged on the stone cell, guts gripping in the dark dank. A captured apostate." ~ Compassion  
> &  
> "They threw him into the dungeon in the Spire at Val Royeaux. They forgot about him, he starved to death. I came through to help, and I...I couldn't so I became him. Cole." ~ Conpassion
> 
> See where I'm getting at? Please, feel free to share your opinion. I love to hear what others think!


	2. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very fancy and heartwarming date.
> 
>  
> 
> "When you do what you fear most, then you can do anything." ~ Stephen Richards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is fully complete. Just...you know, can't keep you all waiting for this one I edit the other. Ya know? Well, please do enjoy!
> 
> DISCLAIMER!!! I wish I was the owner of this amazing franchise. BioWare owns it all, except my character. I created her, she is mines. I think.

Cole stood there in his normal spot in the upper part of the tavern. It wasn't quiet as usual, which was normal. As he began to notice the little things, it had irritated him and made his listening very difficult.

Even as he listened, he could hear his own thoughts. They weren't quite as loud as others. Mostly everything that came to his mind made little to no sense at all, which frustrated him.

It had only been four weeks since the encounter at Redcliffe. He had felt the changes – it was all too strange for him. It felt like all his stonewalls he had built were being knocked down. It was too strong, too much – Cole looked up as his thoughts were interrupted by a familiar someone.

Within view came a curious little elf. She wore her normal outfit, with the exception of shoes which she seemed to complain about. Her skin was dark, with the vallaslin of the god Mythal. Hair black and long, scattered around her shoulders. Cole always smiled when she was around, he didn't quite understand why. She gave off a goofy smile.

"Hi, Cole!" She exclaimed happily as she practically skipped over to him.

"Hello," He reply all too eager, he watched her with curious eyes, "How are you?"

She nearly twirled in a perfect circle, and walked over to sit on the chest beside Cole. "I am great Cole! Today is going amazingly well, and you?" She watched as Cole sat down with his arm on his propped up knee.

Cole took off his hat, "I'm alright. Just thinking, but it's nice to see you smile." He nearly jumped when he felt her wrap her tiny arms around his larger arm. She placed her head against his arm.

"And it's equally nice to see you smile too Cole," she sighed in content. Silence settled in until Cole shifted slightly, and lifted his free hand to scratch at nearly visible chin hairs. "So, how does it feel to be...more human?" She asked as she looked up at the blonde.

"Strange." Cole stated as soon as the bard began to sing Nightingale's Eyes. "It isn't comforting, I get flashbacks of the real Cole's memories. It's scary." He felt the little elf unloop her arm from his as she listened intensely.

"Just explain the best way you can," she smiled lightly, "Remember, it's all a part of being human."

His pale blue eyes shifted to his fingerless gloves, "The old walls crumbled, the light shines in the distance. I reach and I feel someone – something touch me. Warm, loving, caring. A...friend?" He tugged downwards at his gloves to secure them, "The breeze died down, it's much warmer. He smiled, knowing he can pass on easily, home. His mother and sister in the distance – the real Cole is thankful. Surprised, yet satisfied."

"That's one way to get your feelings out," she laughed lightly as she laid her head in the palm of her hand. "To Solas, Varric or I. Want to try again?"

Cole slowly nodded his head. He leaned forward slightly, "It's different?" He almost questioned himself, "I kind of want to hit things a lot. Varric is helping with that."

The Inquisitor couldn't help but laugh, "Aw, try not to hit too many things. Save it for the field?"

"Varric said the same thing." Cole exclaimed all but surprised. "I'll do that. If it makes you stay happy, Nienna."

Nienna caught Cole by a surprise when she wrapped her arms around him. "That'll make a lot of people happy." She stayed like that for a while, head against Cole's broad shoulders. "Hmm, I have an idea!" She jumped to her feet.

Cole watched her attentively. He could feel her happiness radiate from her, it was comforting.

"Would you like to go out?"

"O-out? Out where?" He asked curiously as he tilted his head.

Nienna playfully grabbed him by his hand to bring him too his feet, "You'll see! And I think you'll have fun. You need to get out sometimes."

"Oh, okay..." Cole put his hat on and began to follow the small girl around. She had ran a few errands around Skyhold before departing to Val Royeaux.

It took several days to arrive but, for Nienna it was worth seeing Cole somewhat content. They walked through the main gates that lead to the marketplace of the exquisite city.

Nienna ran ahead looking around, she had been there a few times before but, it never cease to amaze her on how busy the streets were. She would stop several times to look over her shoulder, making sure she didn't lose Cole in the crowd.

It was only the two of them which was the way Nienna wanted it to be. Nienna had stopped in front of the outdoor café, it was fancy to say the less – not that she expected it to be ran down. She knew very well that there was no such thing in the Orlais. Cole had hardly been paying attention as he listened to those around him, he bumped into the little elf.

He stepped off to the left, "I'm sorry," he pulled at the brim of his hat, "I was stuck in thought."

"It's fine," she beamed brightly at the blonde, "Just be more careful, right?" Cole nodded.

"Inquisitor! You honor us with your presence." The waiter exclaimed with enthusiasm. "May I bring a sampling fine cheeses for you and your guest?"

Nienna gave Cole a questioning look. The young man tilted his head to the side, uncertain he replied quietly, "I don't eat." His voice deep as he looked at the masked man.

The appeared to be slightly shocked, or at least Nienna thought so. "Well, then, just a bottle of a fine Ghislain White to start." He then turns to show the two to their table. As Nienna took her seat, the man nodded his head once, "Please enjoy your meal this evening, your worship."

Cole watched as the man stalked off, and then proceeded to seat himself. "He saw me. They all see me," he stated slightly surprised but, his wavering voice gave hint to disbelief.

"I'm glad you allowed them to." Nienna smiled as she stared into Cole's icey blue eyes. He appeared content on the outside, but the curious little elf sensed that there was some what of fear hidden behind Cole's eyes.

"I don't know if I did," Cole exclaimed with disbelief holding on to his voice, "I find people when their pain leaves them open. I ease the pain. I leave. They forget." He hunched his back over holding his upper body weight by placing his hand on his thigh, "That was enough for me. Now they remember, and I'm not sure...ah" He trailed off as a small smile tugs at his lips, a light hearted laugh escapes.

Nienna gave the blonde a worried look, "Cole?"

"I told you about Rhys, the mage who could see me. My friend." Cole replied, "My only friend. For a long time. Evangeline showed me that Templars could be kind, but even she..." He sighed sadly.

Nienna frowned, "Cole, if this is troubling, we don't have to talk about it." Her eyebrows furrowed as the young man began to speak.

Cole's features softened as he spoke, "Gentle. You watch me walk into darkness over and over, and you always worry. Thank you." A tinge of emotion behind his voice, "But this isn't about them. It's about..." He paused for a moment. "When I found out I wasn't human, when I grew, I lost Rhys. I lost my only friend. That's why I was scared about letting all these people see me. That's why I laughed."

Nienna furrowed her brow, in confusion. "So, you're laughing at yourself...?" She questioned the blonde.

"Yes." Cole answered in assurance, "This world taught me that changing means losing your friends." He looked her straight in her eyes. He appeared to be happy. "But now I know that doesn't have to be true. I have enough self to know that what I felt was foolish." He smiled brightly at her, "Isn't that wonderfully?"

To see such a light hearted and nearly care free smile, it warmed Nienna's heart. "That's another good step Cole."

The smile stayed upon Cole's thin face. "I might like being human." His tone subtle, "What do you think I'll learn next?" A hint of excitement as he happily looked at the Inquisitor.

"I'm sure you'll learn a lot Cole," she answered softly as she took a sip of her wine, "And we'll be there to see you through to the end. I'll be there as well, cheering for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daily, Cole love =D
> 
> ( http://fav.me/d89g6xn )
> 
> More to come!


	3. Life Doesn't Stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody." ~ Stephen Chbosky

_We won. Corypheus is gone, and we won. That's wonderful yes?_

_But why does she have such a sad song? Solas. I see. I understand._

_He left and she believes it's her fault. She's wrong, but she doesn't know this._

_I want her hurt to stop. I want to help, I have to. It doesn't matter if I can be seen. I must help._

Cole watched seldomly as the Inquisitor finished conversing with her circle and advisors. He overheard Josephine mumbling on about how late the platters would arrive, she profusely apologized to the Inquisitor.

He eyed the elf carefully. A frown. Nobody else noticed, but he did. Her pain was loud, and it hurt Cole to listen, but he did. The brightness he had saw with in her before, had dimmed down.

"Hey, kid."

Cole nearly jumped as his thoughts and listening were interrupted. He came face to face with Varric, who held out a drink, offering. "No, thank you. It smells funny."

Varric laughed, "Fine, suit yourself kid. Anyway, how are you enjoying party?" He asked with a wide smile on his face, "That was one hell of a fight with Corypheus. And I survived...we survived. A joyest occasion, that's needs more drinks."

"It is...fine?" Cole replied as he looked back up, only to see that the Inquisitor had vanished into her quarters. He sighed, "Yes, a happy occasion. Happy..." He trailed off as he sunk deep into thought.

"Finally nice to see that fucker gone." Varric exclaimed proudly, "Hawke would be proud...I just know he would. Someone who managed to fix both Blondie and his mistake, two birds in one stone, by one little lady with the world at her back." He glanced up at Cole, to see that the boy was troubled. "Whatever is on your mind kid, just know you can tell me."

Cole nodded, "Thank you, Varric. I'm fine, it's just..." He sighed again, "Nothing."

"Alright, but you know where I'll be if you wish to talk." Varric shifted his gaze to where Cole had been attentively staring at, "You know...it's supposed to a victory to celebrate. But, little lady's eyes show a sign of defeat. It's more blatantly obvious when you look her in the eyes, than listen to her voice."

He sighed as he looked down into his tankard, "Chuckles messed up really bad this time..."

Cole watched from the corner of his eye as Varric walked off, to mingle with the others. He turned his attention back to the door that lead to Lavellan's quarters.

He wondered if his powers were still strong enough to be able to slip everyone's attention. It only took little thought for Cole, he began to weave in and out of the crowd. He only felt familiar eyes land on him. Much to his surprise they did not protest as he entered Lavellan's quarters.

Closing the door ever so lightly, he stalked up the steps. He came face to face with a closed door and pressed his ear lightly against the door. Sobbing, not all too quiet but not loud either. He closed his eyes as he listened to her, searching for the source of the hurt.

He drew a sharp breath, " _Lonely, heartache, fear. I'm drowning, he left. Why did he leave? Did I throw myself into this dark pit of nothingness? Could I have done something different? Orb shatters in tiny pieces, a shadow of its former. Sad, disappointed, as he looked longingly at the orb. A brief conversation, the pain eminent. He leaves. It's my fault, all mines. And_..." Cole gritted his teeth as he stood. He didn't hesitate to turn the door knob, but almost regretted doing so; as an extremely sharp ice sickle flew pass his head.

Nienna shook from head to toe. She drew her arms close to her chest, "I...I'm sorry Cole. I didn't mean to– I wasn't expecting..." Tears steadily increased as her bottom lip quiver. Cole had stared at with sympathy and knitted his eyebrows together.

Cole had closed the door behind him and walked to close a small distance between the two. He looked at the small girl as sobs wrecked her body, he frowned. He told himself mental over and over, she didn't do anything wrong; she didn't deserve such heartache.

"I'm sorry," her brow furrowed and a look of guilt settled in, "I must appear really pathetic to you right now..." She sniffles as she turned her gaze downward. Slowly, she sank to her knees, wrapping her arms around herself. "Corypheus is gone...I should be happy, right? I should..." Unable to finish her words, she bit the bottom of her lip – nearly choking on a sob.

Cole lowered himself, to her level. He removed his hat, placing it to the side and reached a hand to pat her on the head. "You are hurting. Wondering if you could have done something differently. Hammering negative words into your head; it's my fault, all my fault," he allowed himself to sit down fully, "It is not. You couldn't have known he would leave. And he was just as surprised, if not afraid, as you are. The outcome wasn't what he was expecting, yet he does not blame you – but himself. He is hammered with grief and you believe the blame to be your own. You are wrong," he almost whispered.

"B-but, I could have..." She tried to wipe the tears away, but they wouldn't stop. "If I hadn't have broken the orb, he would have never left..."

Cole flinched slightly. He didn't know why, but it bothered him to see her cry. He didn't like this for her. "No, the end would have stayed the same." Gently he moved his hand down towards her face, slowly wiping the tears away.

Her big brown eyes widened, surprised with the spirits' actions. She brought her own slender hand to touch a larger hand. "Cole...please, help me. Make me forget him please..." She buried her cheek into calloused hands.

"Clinging, longing, wanting. Don't make it go away. This guilt like a dagger to my chest, hate builds but crumbles like an old worn shack. Forget, forget, forget...don't want to," Cole muttered and wiped away more tears, "I can help, but please take back what you said. That, I won't do."

"Why?!" She shouted; digging her nails into his hand, "You can't deny me! Why are you doing this to me..." Caught by surprise, Cole pulled her into a warm embrace. "It's not fair..."

"No. I denied you, because your heart does not want to forget. Forgetting is like losing something precious. And memories of Solas are fond. I want you to take it back."

"I don't want to feel this pain anymore..."

Cole felt her shake within his embrace, "Yes, but you don't want to forget."

"I-I don't," she stuttered, "Cole...help me. Please, help..." She buried her face into his worn shirt, soaking the cloth in tears.

He breathed deeply. A smell of forest trees and elfroot came rushing through his nostrils, "I will. You've helped me, now I can help back. I want to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Compassion is something that listens to the pain within. Compassion wants to help, not because it has to, but because it wishes to." ~ JT
> 
>  
> 
> Give your love....
> 
> ( http://www.deviantart.com/art/So-Cold-476559661 )
> 
> And remember to give compliments to the artist! Tell them how much you love this amazing piece.


	4. Nightmares and Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul." ~ Dave Pelzer

_"Shh, Bunny, mama said to be silent and hide." The young boy whispered nervously. He held her close to his chest, hand clasped over her mouth. They hide away within the kitchens' cabinet. It was dark with only few cracks and holes in the door._

_"COLE!"_

_The boy nearly jumped at the sound of his name. His sister had started to cry once again. "Bunny! You're going to get us in trouble..." He heard the loud stomping of heavy feet, "Please, Bunny, don't cry..."_

_"Cole, you little bastard! You think you can hide from me forever?!"_

_He whimpered as tears fell down his face. With his sister close to him, he pressed his back against the wall, careful to move the dagger his mother had given him._

_He heard a loud bang. The door, he though, had been broken down. "Come out and die like a man!"_

Cole woke suddenly in cold sweat. Breathing heavy he placed a hand over his heart; it felt like a race horse was trapped in his chest. He shook from head to toe violently, as if he were cold. A dark image stuck within his mind, this was all new to him. It felt real and familiar, as if that event had happened to him in the past.

He laid back down as he ran his hands through his hair, he gripped tightly. Streams of tears began to fall down his face, silently sobbing to himself. He gritted his teeth. He wanted so badly to scream, but didn't want to alarm patrons inside tavern; if they could even hear him or cared.

After, gaining some form of control over his sobs, he sat back up again and swung his legs over the edge of the bed; feet pressed firmly against the wooden floor. He rubbed his eyes to make sure all traces of crying was gone.

As he stretched out, his ears picked up on loud instruments and voices. He glanced at the door that lead to the taverns attic; songs of just and victories were being sung. Cole had figured that the songs would be never ending, arising and glorified into the next age.

Frustrated he sighed, clearing his mind of the simple noises he heard. He wanted to know what had just happened to him, the whole thing felt off; yet it seemed like a puzzle piece to a past he never had. He could hardly recall this ever happening to him at the White Spire. Now, that he thinks about it – there were a handful of trivial matters he could not remember when he resided at the Spire.

Silently, he rose to his feet and walked over to the washben, splashing the semi-warm water on his face. He suspected one of the workers inside the tavern had replaced the old water with fresh warm water, only by a special request of the Inquisitor or one of the inner circle or advisors. Other than that, they would never do so and rather pretended he didn't exist or they truly did not care.

They didn't renovate the room, connected to the tavern, like they had been told too. And due to this the inner circle and the advisors, specifically Cullen for heavy lifting had to do their best to clean the room for Cole. Of course, Nienna was not happy that the trivial and simple task fell upon her and the inner circle; and scolded those who were originally intended to complete the task.

Almost all of the residents within Skyhold gave frightful looks or they would talk about him behind his back. Everything that they had said about him, within earshot of one of the inner circle, would be reported. The whole mistreatment of his being had gone on for a few months, and seemed to only worsen. He knew that he wouldn't be treated nicely in one day, but he did not expect such negativity to last so long. The inner circle and advisors, with the exception of Sera at the time and Vivienne, would try to cheer him up and encourage him.

It bothered him, but he never complained about the treatment. He believed the whole entire ordeal to be trivial and meaningless. However, the kids of Skyhold seemed to have taken a liking to him. They always asked around for him he wasn't in his normal spot and beckoned him to play. It was something that he enjoyed to do – from time to time.

He stared down into the washben as the water dripped from his hair and face, creating a ripple effect. The dream still fresh in his mind, he couldn't help that his reflection, that he saw, was that of a broken boy. A boy who couldn't escape an abusive past. This troubled him because, as whatever he was before – he hardly had something he could call a past. No matter the kindness of others, kids or close friends, he couldn't escape these rushing memories; that nearly causes him to shutdown from time to time. Though it hardly ever kept him from helping those who hurt.

He reached for a washcloth to dry his face and walked to the opposite side of the room to get dressed for the day. With a finishing touch, he polished the armour on his hat and left out through the door that lead to the tavern.

He noticed Sera looking out the window with a sack by her side. She just started to appear on the third floor more often and that was to mainly play her pranks on hardworkers.

Cole didn't quite understand why she was so amused by causing mischief and slight tension. He figured that once the time arrived for him to understand, he would find it stressful and irritating.

He gave a small smile, "Hello, Sera." He noticed that the elf jumped a little. The girl shook her head, in a way of irritation and disapproval.

"Ugh, it's you," she exclaimed without looking at him, "Yeah, yeah hi. Now leave me to my work, yeah? I'm busy, and would prefer not to be bothered with...you." She began to search her sack for something.

For some strange reason, he never thought anything bad about the way Sera treated him. Cole seemed happy to just be acknowledged by the troublemaker. He nodded and walked downstairs to reach the first floor, nearly running into one of the Bull's Chargers.

Cole reached forward grabbing the Charger by the shirt and catching the drink in one hand, it wasn't perfect as the drink spilled from the tankard. "I'm sorry..." He exclaimed as the Charger regained their footing.

"No, worries. Honestly, it was mostly my fault," Cole received a pat on the back with a grin.

"Oi, Krem you tripping up over there?"

Krem laughed slightly, "Not a chance, Rocky!" He looked at Cole as he was handed the tankard back, "Damn dwarf has been trying hard to catch me doing something stupid for weeks. Aye, you're Cole right?"

"Yes." Cole exclaimed as he watched the short interaction between Rocky and Krem.

"Bull talks a lot about you, says you're a good kid. To receive a complement that he shares openly about someone is rare. He talks a lot but, sharing opinions of specific people seems to be something he lacks with such a huge mouth." Before, Cole could respond; Krem spoke once again, "Well, it's good to actually see you; instead of taking shit guesses like all the others. I hear your name and people hardly remembered what you look like! Strange that..."

"Hurry your ass up, Krem!" Rocky shouted from across the room.

"Don't get your trousers in a bunch, dwarf!" Krem shouted back. He turned back to face Cole, "I've got to go before I have to toss the idiot. Anyhow, enjoy your day."

Cole tilted his head to the side. He wanted to question the man about what Bull said, about him.

"There you are kid!" Varric exclaimed with open arms. He gave Cole a playful punch to his forearm, "You know the Inquisitorialness has been looking around for you?"

"I just woke up..." Cole exclaimed with a light blush. "Do you know where she might be?"

Varric shrugged, "Don't know, gotta go searching for her kid." He started to walk up to the bartender, stopping midway. "...Oh, also, you really don't seem the type to sleep in late." He laughed, "Watch it kid, your human is starting show!"

Cole gave the dwarf a puzzled look, not entirely understanding what he meant. He sighed slightly and made his way to the tavern exit. Cole's hat blocked the beaming sunlight, but even with the sun out the heat was overpowered by the winter coldness.

He surveyed the area, quickly noting of how few people where around; including Scout Harding. Cole thought to look within Skyhold's Castle, but turned the idea down. Suddenly, he spotted Cassandra along with Cullen and newly recruited Grey Warden Thom Rainer, marching troops down to the entrance of Skyhold's court. Swiftly, Cole made his way over to the stone fence. He leaned forward to get a better view of the trial march.

"Stand at attention!" Cullen shouted as he walked down the rows of soldiers.

Cassandra brushed snow flurries off her armour, as she surveyed the crowd of recruits. "Good afternoon, I am Cassandra Pentaghast. New, Lord Seeker as well as second in command. I hail from Nevarra, and detest any far stretched rumors you may have possibly heard about me."

"Interesting introduction Cassandra," Cullen smirked as he stopped at the middle row of recruits. Cassandra had cut her eyes over at him, but shrugged her off. He rested his hand on the hilt of his sword, "I am Cullen Rutherford of Fereldan. You will all address me as Commander Cullen. A brief background on my behalf, and before rumors start to float, I am an ex-Templar. I served at the Circle of Magi in Fereldan during the Fifth Blight. I also witnessed the destruction and damn near annulment of all mages within the circle." He glanced up to the sky, "The aftermath of the incident did cause major problems; resulting in the reassignment of many Templars. I was one of the many who were sent away to another circle...a change of scenery they claimed." Bitterly he sighed as memories came rushing through.

He once again began to pace back and forth, "My relocation brought me to Kirkwall in 9:32 Dragon. Another case where the right of annulment was evoked after the destruction of the Chantry as well as the death of Knight-Captain Meredith and Grand Enchanter Orsino. After which, I received a face to face invite to the Inquisition by Lady Cassandra. I am grateful to have position of Commander within the Inquisition." He gave Cassandra a warming smile, which she generously returned.

From where he resided, Cole frowned as Cullen's song rose in volume. He continued to observe even as he heard Cullen's painful and sad song. Unconsciously, he started to brainstorm ideas to ease Cullen's pain. The blonde locked his eyes onto Thom Rainer, who had removed his helmet.

Hardened eyes, Thom did a quick sweep of all the recruit; all appeared nervous. The corner of his mouth twitched into a half-smile. "At ease recruits. I know how easy it is to get second thoughts of the situation you placed yourself into." The recruits all glanced at each other, some smile and others let loose a relaxed sigh.

"Good on you, now my name is Thom Rainer. I hail from the Orlais and was formerly a decorated soldier under Grand Duke Gaspard's command." He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts, "I was also a wanted man for terrible crime that I am ashamed to admit, however I have come to terms with this selfish act I agreed to commit. I am now proud to say that I am a Grey Warden and as well as a member of the Inquisitor's inner circle. You may address me as Blackwall and I will be in charge of training you lot."

Cole watched for hours, observing. The recruits learned several different unique formations as well as being prepared to quickly change positions. After, sometime he decided to leave and continue his search for Nienna; ultimately going into Skyhold Castle.

"Ah, Cole!" Josephine had walked from her office. She appeared stressed over something, Cole could only begin to guess that it had something to do with Sera. "I am uncertain if anyone has told you this, but Lady Lavellan as been looking for you for quite sometime now. You may want to see what she wants, you'll find her in her private quarters. Good day to you."

Cole watched as Josephine exited his sight. It was then he began to make his way to Nienna's private quarters. As he reached for the door knob he felt an odd sensation take over his body; he brushed it off, trying to ignore strange feeling.

He stalked up the stairs, seeing that the door was already open slightly; he peeked through the crack of the door. He watched as the elf paced back and forth, obviously something bothering her. Cole closed his eyes, concentrating; he wanted find the source of the frustration and pain she was having.

" _Afraid, he left? Confusion, guilt, doubt – did I cause his disappearance? Am I the source of his distress? We would walk this path. Painful, scared, curious. Does he not want to share the pain? I want to be like him. Compassion. Helping, loving, careful. Does he believe he'll hurt me? Why_..." His brows furrowed as he opened his eyes; he pushed the door and closed it.

Nienna jumped at the sound of the click; she turned around with a spell prepared. Her eyes met pale blue, "Oh, Creators...it's just you." Cole smiled, but gave her a confused look when she marched up to him and smacked his shoulder. "You made me worry! I thought you left...that I..."

"I'm sorry, I overslept." Cole's pale blue eyes followed the elf as she walked toward her balcony. "Everyone told me that you were looking for me...?"

Nienna nodded her head as she twirled to face Cole, "Yes, I was and then I got hungry, and decided to stay here. I knew you'd probably come looking for me anyway." She motioned Cole to come over, he without second thought, walked. "I wanted to tell you that Lelianna, Divine Victoria, has finally found someone to take her place as Spy Master. He'll be arriving in a week, I think. He's apparently a smooth talking, flirtatious Antivan elf, but she warned me about his ways."

"Can we trust him?" Cole asked warily.

"I don't know," Nienna leaned on the painted railing, "Lelianna said that he was another survivor of the fifth blight. He worked alongside the Grey Wardens, under a promise...er threat? Not sure which one but, apparently the Antivan Crows had a contract and assigned him to assassinate the last surviving Wardens." She huffed watching as the coldness reacted to her warm breath, creating a white cloud.

Cole grunted, demeanor darkening, "I don't like him. He sounds like he would hurt people, even if he wasn't told to." He placed both his bandaged hands on the railing to hold himself up as he leaned to peek down.

Nienna had to hold her tongue from giggling. She admired Cole's overprotective personality he had developed, something most would find overbearing. "I'm willing to give him a chance. The Warden's did so why not me?"

Unnoticed by Nienna, Cole gazed over her way. He admitted to himself that everyone deserves a chance, even if they're background shows them to be shady. Cole knew that he would be a perfect example, even when he confessed to being the one who murdered all those people in the Spire Rhys never judged him. He snapped out his thought process when Nienna spoke up.

"You'll give him a chance, right Cole?" Nienna asked quietly.

Cole was reluctant to agree, but his faith and trust for the little elf wasn't misplaced. He witnessed her choices and saw how it shaped those around her, and survived to see the results. "If you are, then I will. I will."

Nienna squealed happily, "Thank you, Cole! You're the second person I have on board so far. I think the others are going to give me one hell of a time, Creator's forbid." With the stress lifted she felt more lighter, and relaxed.

"So...overslept, huh? So very human-like of you," smirking, her eyes wonder to Cole. He stood there diligently taking in the vast snow cover mountains, though she couldn't see his face due to the flap of his hat.

"Yes..." Cole's lips twitched to a smile. A light blush covered his face, "Varric had said something similar. But, the way he said it, I couldn't understand what he ment."

She reached for the flap of his hat, much to her surprise he was staring at her. "Ugh, perfect assassin. Cut people up with those eyes," she fell silent; trying to find emotion within his pale blue eyes. "There something you want to share...?"

Cole covered her hand with his own and removed his hat; he shook his head. "You do though." Brown eyes stared intensely into pale.

She smiled warily and clutched the old hat to her chest, "Maybe, but I know you're lying. You're not a good one either."

Nienna walked over to the half wall and sat down, "I do, but you have to tell me what's wrong? Why have you been acting weird, and playing hard to catch? Did I..."

Cole cut her off shouting, "No! You didn't do anything wrong, Nienna. It's just..." He sighed heavily as he seated himself in front of her, "Dreams...no not dreams. These are much more scarier, nightmares." Pausing; he took a few moments to sort through his own thoughts – memories, " _Ripping, pulling, aching. The heart shatters into pieces, forming the wrong shape. Beaten and bruised body, hidden away – air thickened with the smell of death. Screaming, crying, trapped; release me from this hellishness I suffer from. Holding close, protective never letting go. Quiet. Fear takes over silence and then...nothing_." He turned his gaze towards the ground; hands pressed firmly against the marble floor.

She placed Cole's old hat to the side and scooted closer towards him. Small slim dark hands clasped atop larger pale ones, "Don't worry Cole, it's just some crazy dream. I promise, those are just normal." He looked at her, haunted eyes behind long blonde bangs. "Just know, I chose to walk this path with you; I'm hear to help you. Okay?"

"But you're hurting too..." He muttered, latching his hands onto her own, he gave a gentle squeeze. "You are afraid. _Frightened by the anchor, consumed by the darkness no escape. Difficult to breath to move, demons...you are afraid that demons will make the veil thin and break through_. You are scared they would kill you." Gently he tugged at her hand, ushering her closer, embracing her protectively, "I will not allow it. I'll protect you."

Nienna smiled into his chest, "Thank you, Cole. Even though I am fully capable of defending myself, you truly are a kind hearted person. You are compassion and will always be." She sighed, perfectly content, "I...you know, you're right," she pulled away slightly to look up, "I am afraid. I just don't want to cause a panic. I talked to Sera about it, which turned out to be the worst idea ever, but she was insightful about fears and how to conquer them."

Cole surprised her when he laughed lightly, the same laugh from their date. Her eyebrows pressed together, "What's funny?" He had gave her a warming smile as he looked down at her, "...Never thought you to be the silly sort Cole."

"Silly?" He questioned curiously with his brows raised, "Cassandra reads to me Varric's books. They make me feel strange." He unwrapped his arms around her, knowing for sure that her hurt had faded into the background. He leaned back holding himself up with his hands.

Nienna stared, astonished and mouth agape. Cole's behavior and ways had been surprising her time after time, she had to wonder why this would be any different. "W-where did that come from?!"

Broad shoulders shrugged, "I thought it would be something silly. So, I shared it with you." He flashed a sly smirked before regaining his normal composure.

"You're weird, Cole..." Nienna stated with a goofy smile. She glanced up at the skies, it looked like a snowstorm would make a passing. "I'm serious though, about your new life. I don't want you to feel like you're alone."

As she slid to press her back to the wall, Cole crawled his way to sit beside her. A peaceful silence settled, Nienna scooted closer to Cole and rested her head on his shoulder. He shifted to allow more comfort to Nienna. A small smile twitched upon his lips and he muttered, "I know...I've always known. Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful." ~Barbara Bloom


	5. Confusion of The Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What's more confusing, the heart or the brain?" ~JT
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be longer...but, I chopped it in two. So, yeah...

"Yes, yes I understand that the construction is underway..." Nienna exclaimed. She had been stressing all morning with so much paperwork being thrown her way. When she headed the clanking of heavy armour she looked up, _'Ugh, why can't this guy just leave...there's nothing more to talk of.'_

"I believe there is nothing more to talk about, so if you would mind...?" She exclaimed as calmly as she could. The guard saluted quickly before making his way out of the war room. Varric entered as the guard left and then glanced at the obviously frustrated elf.

Varric smirked, "I see work is going great, Lady Lavellan?" She shot him a glare that could send even the toughest man reeling. "C'mon, it's a joke. Lighten up, is there anything I could do to make this easier on you?" Varric leaned against the wall, waiting for orders.

Nienna gaved him a bored look, "Anything..." She repeated in thought, "Maybe. Help, Cassy and Josie oversee the town's construction?"

"Hmm, alright your Inquisitorialness," Varric pushed himself off the wall, "Your wish is my command." He winked at her before exiting the war room.

Nienna rolled her eyes, "Silly, dwarf...now, where was I?" She spoke quietly to herself and started to sort through the many request, invites and orders that had been given to her. She came across a sealed letter, blood stamp with the engravement of a mabari hound. "Didn't see this one here..." She broke the seal and slipped the paper out.

_'Dear Lady Lavellan,_

_It is within my best interest to report to you updates on Haven. Beening as that place is creepy and I would never move there myself, I have noticed the many people who have lost there homes due to the Templar Mage war. This is a major concern to myself and I am sure you were planning on reconstructing and extending the former town of Haven into a city; making it a large capital. I have sent a large group of men and women who have strong points in building to start the exterior build. The whole meaning of this letter is that I would like to bestow to you an offer of joint ownership of the new capital of Ferelden, Haven._

_Sincerely Your King, Alistair Theirin_

_P.S. they finally allowed me to write the letter instead of some fancy journalist, I hope it looks good.'_

"Joint ownership, huh?" Nienna said thoughtfully, "A strong and tempting offer...I should ask Josie how to respond to this..."

"Or you could just ask your strong and strikingly handsome Dorian."

"I could ask my flirtatious man..." She gasped dramatically, "Oh, dear me what was I thinking?! Excluding, the most gorgeous man in my inner circle." Silence settled, until Dorian moved one of his eyebrows and grinned widely. They both busted out laughing, Nienna gripped her stomach and wiped away excessive tears.

Dorian covered his mouth to try and silence his laughs. "What would the beautiful Lady Lavellan, do with out me?" He continued to snicker as the laughing elf made her way to Dorian, who held the door open.

Nienna pulled him by the collar of his shirt, "I'm sure I wouldn't be able to stand life without my best friend." Before the continued to the main hall, she gave Dorian the biggest hug.

"So, any news on how our new Spy Master is getting along?" Nienna asked as she walked throughout the main hall.

Dorian with his arms full, shook his head. "Not that I know of my dear lady. Though I have spotted him examing all Skyhold, and he also was helping with construction. A real charmer the ladies around here claimed, as well as most of the gentlemen."

"I think all Antivan's has that touch of suave to their person...I seriously need to meet him." Nienna fell silent as they walked out of the open doors. This had been the busiest that she had seen since the very first day they arrived. _'Wish I could've thanked you Solas...'_ She sighed heavily.

"Something bothering you?" Dorian asked as they descended down the grueling stairs. Nienna snapped her head up startled. "I didn't mean to startle you." Dorian grinned.

"Sure you didn't," she fell silent staring down at her feet, "Solas..."

"Hmm?" Dorian raised a brow as they stopped in front of Skyhold's only exit.

"You asked, I responded." Nienna exclaimed through clenched teeth. She frowned, "I just...wish I could've thanked him."

Dorian stared at her, in anger and surprise, "Thank him?! For what? For leaving you? Lying to you? Going behind your back, and claiming to not understand what in Andraste's name was going on?!" He scolded her, "Why do you believe you should be thankful to someone like him?"

Nienna pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned. "I understand where you are getting at Dorian, but I must be thankful." Dorian looked at her, searching for a perfect excuse from her, "Look, take this for example–"

"I can't my arms are full and you're holding nothing within your grasp, my lady." Dorian joked, but his expression never changed. This irritated Nienna as she cut him a glare. "Yes, I know – Dorian you idiot why are you joking, I am having a serious and confessing conversation with you. I just love to place jokes in the wrong moments...my lady."

"Then why–?! Ugh, forget it," she rubbed her temples, "He was the one who prevented the Anchor from killing me, enabling us to get us as far as we had been." She paused for Dorian to say something, but he kept his words. "When we lost Haven, he lead us to this historic place, to Skyhold. And..."

"Then he left you. There's only two things, Nienna, two." Dorian exclaimed sternly. "He's no good, Nienna. I'm telling you what I see, now if you want a man's man," he smirked, "Cullen seems to have the capabilities and he's proven it plenty times or," he paused for a moment, "A meek young man, like Cole. Silent, strong, kind and compassionate."

"Dorian, no. Just...no I can't." Nienna said as she began to walk to the construction area.

Dorian scurried after her, "No? Oh, yes Nienna. You need someone who will never leave or lie to you."

"I said, no."

"Why?" Dorian questioned stubbornly.

Nienna halted, obviously aggravated. "Ugh, because Cullen is just...too Culleny and would go Templar on my ass in a split second. Chanting the Chant of light...Andraste this, Andraste that – I'll happily avoid." She then shifted her thoughts and concerns about Cole, "As for Cole...he's kind and all but, I'm not sure. He's still learning and everything is still new to him."

Dorian grinned, "You could probably take the Templar out of him." He paused for a moment, "You know the way you talked him into not taking the lyrium."

"No offense to you shemlens, but I'll pass," Nienna sighed, "He has...well too much Templar in him still."

"Oh, fine then. How's about our dear boy, Cole? You can help him learn everything." Dorian wiggled his eyebrows and winked. Nienna rolled her eyes and continued forward.

"I am doing my best to help him out," Nienna paused for a moment of thought, "But I doubt he has that sort of interest. He still has the spirit of Compassion within. Explaining the reasons why he can do what he does still...just not a sharp and focused when he first came to us."

Dorian smiled in amusement and walked small steps towards her, "Oh, you know well enough I am not talking about that. Something more...sensual, I'm sure the spirit of Compassion isn't strong enough to keep the boy from that now." He nodded his head in assurance, "You know...be his first and only. I'm sure with that neat trick he's been able to do for so many years is very handy. And everyone wants a handy man..."

Dorian grinned widely as Nienna stayed silent. He knew she was blushing and continued, "Remember when he explained to us what he witnessed–"

"Oh, Creators! Dorian for the life me shut up!" She glared at him over her shoulder, "I know, he was grueling and explained every detail. Please, spare me."

"Ah, but my lady! You have yet to realize," Dorian started off. They finally stopped when they made it across the long bridge. "You believe the boy to be a stranger to the concept of love. Well, take this into mind – he isn't. You wouldn't believe the books that boy has with him. He comes up there to sit with me while he reads and asks question when something isn't entirely clear to him."

Dorian gave a thoughtful smile, "I'm sure he hides them in his room." He twisted his mustache, "Speaking of which, I need to mention to him not to take too many of those to his quarters..."

Nienna's hand twitched slightly, along with her ears. She stayed silent, thinking to herself about what he learned from the books he was given and what he has been told, regarding his questions.

Dorian pondered on the books he saw Cole steal away, "You know...for a rogue Cole has a strange taste in studying magic tomes and spells. Well, he reads them but I am one hundred percent sure that he tries to practice them..." He shrugged, "Don't know why he would though."

"I see I've piqued your interest young lady. The way he's always around you..." He smirked at the elf's silence. "You know he blushes when you have your back turned. And he gets sad as you walk away on business, but says he understands. Oh, he also questions how to approach you at times. That Cole is as shy as all outdoors!"

Nienna got flustered, "It's not like that! You've got the wrong idea!"

Dorian turned his nose up, avoiding any eye contact. "I don't know...I try to get a conversation out of the boy and he does start to chat with me, he just can't stop talking about you. I have talks with Varric and he believes Cole has a building crush without knowing." He looked from the corner of his eyes, to see astonishment.

"Don't lie to me!" Nienna whispered angrily.

Dorian sighed and faced her, "I'm not Lady Nienna. I'm telling facts."

Nienna forcefully grabbed Dorian by his arm and dragged him to one of the finished homes. She pushed the mage against the wall, "You are lying! There is no facts, Cole has only been fully human for...uh, four months!"

"Oh, my darling a lot can happen within four measly little months. And I mean a lot..." Dorian grinned as she slapped his shoulder. "Go talk to the poor boy yourself. Questions are gold...the golden truth actually."

He shifted the papers to the left and lifted Nienna's arm up, he walked away, "Just think about it. Though, you should take my word into consideration."

Nienna hit her head against the wall, "This.Is.So.Stupid." she stopped as her brain raced thoughts of Cole around her. "Creators, creators, creators..." She knew that if she kept thinking about him, that he would come find her.

She snapped her head up when she heard talking and shuffling of the feet. Low and behold it was Cole, accompanied by Grim, Seggrit, Krem and Cassandra.

"I'm sitting here doing heavy lifting and shit, while the Inquisitor sits nice and cozy on her throne. Still can't believe I was replaced, the nerve of that little kn–" Seggrit's rambling was cut off by Cole, who immediately got angry.

"Don't even dare..." Cole muttered as his fist shook, "She doesn't just sit around, she's always busy! Always tired, calloused hands...you were replaced for a reason. And you don't deserve any position." His fist shook as he stood tall against the older man.

Seggrit backed up, "Calm down now...no need to get confrontational." 

"Hmph, I would not be surprised if Cole attacked you, Seggrit." Cassandra glared at him, "A selfish, racist man such as yourself should be cautions. Cole is not known to be...tolerating of those traits." Grim grunted in agreement and crossed his arms over his chest.

Krem leaned against the attached bar counter, "If I'm not mistaken Bull said the kid is dangerous. I wouldn't fool around if I were you." He nodded to himself, agreeing with the others. "Plus, you've been whining like a little bitch all day, I'd get tired of you as well."

Seggrit glanced at the three, before looking at Cole. Cole stood between him and the only usable exit. Afraid to make a move Seggrit looked down at his feet, not wanting to say something that would set the boy off.

"Don't worry, your safe Seggrit." Cassandra exclaimed as she laughed, "That was only the first warning. I haven't seen the other warnings myself, but judging by Cole..." She looked over at the pale blonde, pale eyes never leaving the cowering man. "They aren't pretty."

Grim grunted and menacingly stepped behind Seggrit, who moved forward. He took slow steps towards the exit cautionly before taking off. Krem laughed as he pushed off the counter, ,"Now, that is something I wouldn't mind watching daily. Good on you, kid." He gave Cole a light pat on his broad shoulder. Grim silently followed after the Charger.

Nienna quietly watched as the room was half clear, leaving Cassandra and Cole. She hadn't moved a muscle since the group entered, and watched as Cole got aggressive. At that point, she was sure he hadn't noticed her at all.

Cassandra walked up to Cole and placed a hand on his shoulder. He flenchd slightly, he obviously wanted to avoid being touched. "Cole..." She sighed when he refused to look up, "It's alright now. Just relax, you've done good so far with this temper, don't let that bastard ruin it. And remember, the Inquisitor ignores those who is negative and doesn't let herself be bothered with nonsense." She knew he was already calm, but decided he needed to hear those words.

Cole looked up, and Cassandra saw fear and worry within his pale blue haunted eyes. He nodded, "Yes." Cassandra gave him a smile before walking out. The blonde had hesitated to leave, sensing something that wanted him to stay. He looked over to the barely lit area of the newly built tavern.

Nienna nearly stopped breathing. Cole had known she was in the tavern, as he stared longingly in her direction. "Creators...stay by my side today..." She breathed out and she stared directly into his eyes. She couldn't tell what emotion lied behind his eyes, but she could tell the boy seemed scared and confused. Much to her surprised, he turned around quietly leaving.

"This is my chance!" She bolted out a nearby window, opposite to where Cole left. She sighed with a lazy grin on her face, "Mark that as a perfect escape." Standing quickly, Nienna looked both ways before exiting her hiding place. A solid force had knocked her down, or more accuracy she ran into something that hardly budged. "By the Dread Wolf..." She nearly growled as she looked up. Her strong need for telling the so called solid force had drained from her, "You're..."

With a smirk on his lips, he extended a scarred tanned hand out, "Bellisima dama...You must be, Lady Lavellan. If I may have the honors of saying, it is a pleasure to meet such a beautiful creature such as yourself," unconsciously she reached for the hand and was pulled up, "Ah, cómo grosero de mi parte mi nombre es Zevran."

"You're the new spy master aren't?" Nienna stared dumbfounded. The new spy master was not what she expected. He was an just like her, but she can tell he had little experience with the Dalish. His accent was strong, she could barely understand him as he spoke. He sported a large black tattoo on the left side of his face and hand long dirty blonde hair that sprawled around his shoulders.

Zevran smirked with a nodded, "I am. A little late of a notice from Lelianna, but as a friend I decided to take over her spot. A Divine...who would've thought, eh?" He gave her a questioning look, that turned into amusement, "Ver algo que te gusta?"

Nienna tilted her head to the side, "I honestly don't know how to respond to that."

He smiled in amusement, "Usted no me puede entender?" He waited for moment only to notice her face drop and eyebrows raise, "Bueno, bueno creo que es mejor así. Now to business, no?" Nienna only nodded and preserved her words, "I've given myself a tour of Skyhold. My thoughts are...amazed. However, I would suggest moving the Spy Master headquarters."

"Why...?"

"Secrets are secrets, yes?" Zevran said, plainly. "It's your best interest to preserve those – in case a spy of the enemy managed to squirm their way through. These are things you must keep in consideration, also I believe the handsome young man with the mustache would like to extend Skyhold's library. Also, I was thinking of having an assassin branch or more likable an alliance."

Nienna gave him a suspicious look. She looked deep into his eyes, to fish for a false front. "What alliance are we talking about here?" She attentively watched and listened to the older elf.

"A smart choice, asking that is." Zevran gave her his praises and proceeded to clear his throat. "As you understand I've come a very long and grueling way. I'm sure you are curious as to my activities beforehand, yes? I already know that our lady Divine has told you of my history. But not all."

He motioned her to follow him to sit at nearby tables, "I was at my home country Antiva at the time. I had to finish some...important business with the Crow's."

Nienna took a seat and leaned in to hear him better, "Yes, and then what?"

"Before, I recieved the letter I was able to convince a handful of Crow's to help me with killing the head of them all." Zevran began to explain, "I did this through an exchange of several undercover deliveries of messages, long and difficult but, I say it was worth it. I managed to convince fifty percent of the men and women from the outside in and slowly the plan was set in motion. All and all, I accomplished a devious and brave deed."

"Why though?" Nienna questioned quietly with a frown, "If you knew it to be dangerous then...why?"

Zevran snorted and smacked his palm against the wooden table, "Why? Why?! You wish to know why? Why I did all of this? I did this because, I was one of them. I worked as an assassin for the Crow's; one of the best they ever had. Did I ask to work for them? No I didn't, I was forced to." Zevran sighed irritably, "I made a grave mistake on one mission, those bastards already knew before I could even try to hide it. As punishment...no out of guilt I took on a mission 9:31 Dragon."

"That was the year of the fifth blight..."

Zevran gazed off to the side, "Yes...that's it. A month after the Battle of Ostagar, two Grey Wardens were reported to be seen traveling with a witch and a dog. My mission...one that I wanted to be my final was to kill off the two. Obviously, I failed otherwise nobody would be alive and Ferelden would a wasteland. I assumed they were going to kill me, but Faolan had spared me. I hated him for that, but was somewhat thankful because, of him I had hope. He saw that I could change, believed that I could...and I did." Zevran laid his arms crossed on the table and rested his head, "I tried to play dead, to hide from the Crow's but, that didn't workout as planned. I was saved and at that moment, I headed north of Kirkwall after a complete burro decided to blow up a Chantry cojida." He raised his voice slightly out of annoyance.

"So you were there during the annulment of the mages?!"  Nienna asked with curiosity. She was amazed at how much the man had gone through.

Zevran nodded as best he could, "I was, until I headed north. Can't stay within one hundred yards of chaos or you'll go mad. Anyway," he smirked as he looked at the young woman, "The constant cat and mouse with those bastards got tiring. So I chose to end it."

"Oh..." Nienna stared in shock, "That was...sounds pretty intense. I'm going to assume that the Antivan Crow's are leaderless, huh?" Zevran shook his head, "Well, who stood up to take over?"

"No one." Zevran replied. "However, there wa–" His eyes widened as he stared pass her. Nienna huffed and waved her hand in front of his face.

"Hey, Zevran wha–" She squealed as she lifted up in the air, "By the Dread Wolf! What the hell?!" She squirmed around and placed both hands on the assailant, "Put me–!"

"Whoa, calm down boss. Damn, you elves are jumpy."

"Bull?!" Nienna fumed as Zevran tried to hold back his laughter. "You shut up! Don't even laugh, and Bull you lardass put me down!"

Zevran placed his hands up in surrender, "I promise I wasn't going to laugh, Lady Lavellan." He stood up with a smirk on his face; it looked as if it would never leave his face. "I'll leave you to your business. A later time, yes?" He walked off with his shoulders shaking.

"Lardass? Gee, boss didn't know you liked my ass," Iron Bull exclaimed and before Nienna could respond he continued, "It's uh, pretty important." He hauled off to Skyhold with the little elf slung over his shoulder. Choosing not to struggle, Nienna poked her lip out and propped up her elbows and rested her chin. "You see it's about our little squirrelly kid."

 _'Oh, shit...Cole...'_ Nienna thought to herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You can never control who you fall in love with, even when you're in the most sad, confused time of your life. You don't fall in love with people because they're fun. It just happens." ~Kirsten Dunst
> 
> "If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater." ~Oprah Winfrey


	6. Confusion of The Heart (Part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, well....the chapter was going to be long so I did the stupid liberty of chopping it into two. Your welcome, I guess...I felt like I made the wrong decision.

She bit her lip almost reluctant to ask, "Um, is he okay? Nothing happened to Seggrit, right?" She felt Iron Bull rumble as he laught, "So...yes or no?"

"Don't know why that asshole would come into this," Iron Bull grinned as he seen Cassandra run pass him, "Cole? Could've at least do a little nod, or something..." She didn't respond but, Iron Bull assumed he was correct. "No, he's not responding to anyone."

Nienna's heart skipped a beat, "W-what?! What happened?! Is he alright?!" She squirmed around in Iron Bull's grip, "Let me go! I have to–" She stopped rambling when she felt the ground beneath her feet, "Oh...well shit."

"Boss you squirm to much," Iron Bull stated blandly. He leaned against the stonewall near the door to Cole's room.

Varric came running their way, panting as he slowed down. "Kid! Open, up! C'mon, I told you if you need someone to talk to you could come to me..." He banged his fist against the door.

"If he didn't respond on the other side what makes think he will over here?"

"I don't know!" Varric shouted. He kicked the door out of frustration. "Shit..."

"Is he even in there?!" Nienna questioned. Her patience was whering thin, "Look, who saw him run in this direction?" Varric and Iron Bull looked at each other, "...Neither of you know?" They shrugged their shoulders.

"Are you guys just screwing around with me?" Nienna dolefully stared at the Qunari and Dwarf. Both stayed quiet until Varric kicked backwards hitting the door.

"Well....this certainly is a waste of my time." She rubbed her temples, "Do you guys want Seggrit to be the person who says 'I told you so!'"

"I've got no clue what you're going on about," Varric raised his eyebrows, "When I heard I just came racing, out to help the kid."

Iron Bull hardly showed any expression; except for the wolfish look in his eye. "Same."

 

"Heard from who?! The who is what I'm trying to get out of you two!"

"...Well, uh..." Iron Bull thought to himself for a moment, "People. We heard it from people." His eyes shined with hope that she would believe him, but the tension between them told him otherwise.

"I need names Bull, names..." Nienna frowned, "I can't just go off of ' _people said, this and that'._ Especially since I don't have these peoples names."

Varric pinched the bridge of his nose, obvious stress leering over. "It was...not a group of people, but a person." He stared at the ground in thought.

Nienna threw her arms up and walked away, "C'mon boss, it's serious."

"Don't just don't...you guys probably got this crap from Dorian." Nienna walked off, ignoring their pleas.

* * *

Cole had managed to easily slip everyone's attention, and walked quickly away from the construction sight. It didn't take him too long to reach Skyhold's entrance and had stopped by the Herald's Rest.

Cole wanted to get in and out of the tavern, that was easier said than done. Lace Harding the scout and Dagna had spotted him as soon as he left the tavern. Cole was rather surprised that they didn't give him strange looks; they actually wanted to know more about him. He could hear their songs ringing curious, wondering, interest; it made him feel a little lighter.

They held Cole there for hours asking questions and answering a few of his own. He was surprised, one that they treated him as if they had known him for so long and two was noticing that he enjoyed talking a lot.

He felt their worries and did his best to reassure the two dwarves that there was nothing to worry about. They both gave him surprised looks, but before they could ask how, he told them that if anyone besides the Inquisitor came looking for him – that he was in his room and didn't feel like being bothered.

After, his conversation with the dwarves he quickly and quietly slipped away and made his way to the Inquisitors private quarters. He hadn't messed anything up in the room, he only closed the door and crawled onto the circle shaped bed. He was in fear and he couldn't understand what was bothering him. He hugged himself, whimpering. His heart hurt and he wracked his brain about the situation.

Immediately, he knew that Nienna had been somewhere within the tavern and sensed her feelings. She wanted him to stay, but was afraid of him confused and uncertain.

" _Scared, confused...lonely_. I want Nienna..." He muttered to himself. "She's the same...how can I help the hurt if I can't look pass my own?!" Biting the bottom of his lip, he knitted his eyebrows together.

* * *

Lace sat down in one of the chairs outside of the Herald's Rest. Dagna was sitting on the opposite side of her, and discussed and explained to her about what she does. "So, the Hero of Ferelden helped get you to where you are now?" Lace said thoughtfully and crossed both her arms across her chest.

Dagna nodded, "That's correct! I didn't care if I lost my caste, I wasn't going to let my life pass by living underground. The stone blessed me with the Wardens timely arrival; I was super lucky when he told me he had resided at the Circle and referred me."

"It's good to meet someone as kind as that," Lace looked up at the sky, "Rare, you'll never know if you'll meet someone like that ever again."

Dagna giggled with a smile on her face. "Rare indeed. I'm pretty rare myself, you know?" Lace nodded in agreement, "We can't forget the Inquisitor as well."

"Yes, the Dalish aren't known for being helpful." Lace sighed as at winter breeze blew pass, "She caused doubt in everyone, made beliefs stronger. Changed so many things..."

"Speaking of the changer of many things," Dagna stated causing Lace to look up. The elf stormed down the last few steps mumbling threats under her breath. Miserably she walked up to the dwarfs with a half smile on her face.

"Good afternoon, Inquisitor." Lace stood quickly with a salute before sitting back down.

Dagna followed suit, "Good afternoon, Lady Lavellan!"

"Good afternoon, Scout Harding – Dagna," she seated herself on the stone pathway, "I didn't realize it was this late in the day."

"Yeah! The day sure is going by pretty fast. I got all my projects done today," Dagna leaned back tilting her chair, "And helped as much as I could with the construction. Went around delivering meals for everyone with Scout Harding."

Nienna laid on her back and glanced up at Dagna. The dwarf still had the same spunky personality from when they first met. "Sounds like you two have had a full filling day, hmm?"

Lace nodded, "I guess you could say that. Very busy but, not as busy as you I'm sure."

"You could say that again!" The elf rolled around, laughing, "You know, the craziest thing that happened to me today?"

Dagna perked up, "I'm curious! What happened?!" Lace quietly waited for a response from the tickled elf.

"I...I was finally able to meet our new Spy Master right," she wiped a tear away, "And don't get me wrong, meeting him was a pleasure! Truly, but what really got me was when I floated!"

"Floated...?" Lace raised her brow and leaned forward in full interest.

"Yeah!" Nienna wiped the last of her tears away and sat upright, "It was actually Bull holding me up and told me some of the most heart racing, hair pulling and stressful things ever." Nienna sighed, "...Cole had gone and locked himself in his room." The cover-up smile she had and happy façade all fell quicker than a stampeding full of bogfishers.

"Hmm?" Dagna tilted her head to the side, "Cole? Cole, Cole, Cole...blonde, tall lanky human with a large hat? Wears...a patched up shirt and leather pants?" Nienna perked up and nodded, eyes widened.

Lace chuckled, "He's not in his room. We spoke to him earlier."

"You...did? Is he alright?! He's not hurt or anything is he?!" Nienna shouted frantically. Her eyes and tone of voice showed her obvious concern for the half-spirit.

"Slow down, Inquisitor...he's fine. Or at least he tried to convince us he was," Lace looked over at Dagna and nodded at each other, "He told us that if anyone but, you came looking for him to say that he's in his room and doesn't want to be bothered."

Dagna frowned slightly, "He seemed obviously distressed. Wouldn't tell us anything, but his eyes...they look like they've seen so much. It's a bit difficult to look him in the eyes..."

"I agree..." Lace muttered under her breath. Nienna stood up slowly.

She brushed herself off and glance to where Iron Bull and Varric had took her too."Where?" She turned her attention towards the two dwarves. Both pointed in the direction of her quarters. "Thanks you two. Really, I mean it."

Lace nodded and turned to Dagna who back to speak. "Hey, what're we here for, right? Tell, that strange kid that whatever is going on that things will get better!"

Nienna smiled sadly at the two as she nodded, beginning in the direction she was pointed too. _'Why would he possibly go to my room? If he noticed me at the site then he should know...'_ Nienna shook her head of curious thoughts.

She was more worried than anything, after witnessing him throw threats openly without a care. It almost scared her, but not as much as when he mercilessly and cooly claimed he had to kill the former Templar from the Spire.

Quietly, she made her way through the throne room. There wasn't as many people there as normally, but a few maids and servants. Nienna quickly waved to them before walking through the door to her quarters.

As quietly as she could, she stalked up the stairs and notice the door was wide open. She walked up closer, slipping through the door and shutting it with a 'click'. The bed creaked and the sheets rusled; Nienna froze in her tracks, waiting for the movements to stop completely. Nienna let loose a breath she hadn't known she was holding.

Unbeknownst to Nienna, Cole was wide awake. He blinked a few times, thinking if he should make her aware that he knew she was there. He wracked his brain, with his confusing thoughts and bit the bottom of his lip.

He ceased all breathing as foot steps approached. They grew closer and closer and within he was panicking, not knowing what to do. A heavy weight pressed into the bed, Cole nearly flinched as a slim hand landed on his shoulder. A light weight rested itself on top of him, he breathed out.

"Cole..." Nienna spoke softly, "You had me worried again. Why?" Cole kept silent for the moment.

He heard her song, it sung as loud as his own; it was similar. " _Nervous, curious, frightful – everything of what Dorian said must've been a lie? Yes, it has to be. Cole said, so himself – no preferences. Confused, need to confess to confide. Not sure...not certain, I'm afraid to love only to lose. I'm afraid to love only to be pushed away_." His brow furrowed, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."

Nienna crawled overtop of him so she could lie down. Cole had his head pointed downwards, he didn't bother too much to move. "Its not okay, but I forgive you..." She patted the top of his head; to her surprise it caught his full attention and the two stared each other in the eyes.

"You want to believe Dorian was lying," Cole frowned, "You wanted him to be wrong. But, he was not." Nienna grew nervous as her eyes widened. "I'm afraid..."

"...Of what?" Nienna hesitantly asked.

Cole pointed to himself, "Me." He moved to sit up right, "I'm afraid of myself. I don't know why..." A slender hand stroked his cheek and he sighed, "So many things, thoughts – yours and mines twirling, tangling, intertwined."

"Oh, Cole..." Nienna muttered as she moved her hand to scratch his scalp and then to grasp his hand over the sheets.

"He angered me." Cole exclaimed as he stared deeply into her eyes. Nienna cleared her throat, eyes quickly darting down to his and her hand. He heard her thoughts shouting, screaming – she didn't want him to talk about it, but he needed to, wanted to. "The things he said, his thoughts loud and strong –  _should've strung that knife ear up, crop those nasty little ears...she gets praised and I get removed from my position? What sort of bullshit is this?! A joke?! A wild knife ear becoming a beacon of hope? Could've never been so wrong in a lifetime._ " He pushed the covers to the side, encircling his arms around her.

Nienna felt him shake against her, she knew he was still angry bothered by the hateful thoughts and words that oozed from Seggrit. He whispered into her ear, apologies from himself and for the ignorance of Seggrit. "Stop...stop it, Cole." She muttered loud enough for him to hear, her voice was cracking – filled with overflowing emotions.

"Nienna...I don't like this feeling, this anger hatred," Cole held onto her, with an emotion – confusion, need, want, aggravation, he wish they'd all go away. "Please, promise me you won't avoid me...I need you..."

She shut her eyes tightly, "I won't...I won't ever avoid you ever again." Her face buried into his shirt her tears soaked. He didn't care, all he knew was that this was right and at that moment only they mattered.

"Thank you..." He smiled sadly, "And I promise I that will never abandon you. No...that will never happen to you ever again..." Nienna's thoughts began to soften along with her song. Cole finally for the first time this day, was happy. He felt her wrap her small thin arms around him. "Better...brighter, lighter. Yes, this is right..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh


End file.
